


held yourself up to the light

by pendules



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s10e09 The Things We Left Behind, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-05
Updated: 2014-12-05
Packaged: 2018-02-28 06:48:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2722742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pendules/pseuds/pendules
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Continuation of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQHmzEKxMHY">this 10x09 clip</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	held yourself up to the light

It's hard to even look at him. It feels like a _betrayal_ and for the first time, Cas really _knows_ what it was like for Dean, to hear all of his crimes brought to light.

"You can't - you can't ask me to do this."

"Well, I can't ask anyone else." And he's hit again with that loneliness he'd felt when Hannah left; it kind of feels like it's just the three of them standing on the edge of the world now.

"Dean, I've been asked to kill you twice before. I didn't do it either of those times."

"Yeah, I was _there_ , remember?" he snaps. And then he takes a breath, closes his hands into fists on the table, says, quietly, intimately, "This is _different_."

"Because it's _you_? You think it's easier to kill you because _you're_ asking me?" Dean doesn't get it, doesn't understand sacrificing people you love for the greater good, doesn't understand what it takes out of you. He's never been able to do it. He's only ever sacrificed himself, over and over again. And Cas - Cas isn't going to let him do it this time.

"You think I'd choose the world, other people, over you? Maybe I would have, _before_." He doesn't need to clarify - _before I met you, before I became human, before you gave me a home in you._ "But I've _changed_ , Dean. I'm - well, maybe I'm more like _you_ now."

"More like _me_?" He didn't believe him when he said _That's not true_ and he still doesn't.

"You could have given up on Sam. You never did. You could have given up on _me_ -"

"Well, that's my weakness, Cas. Doesn't have to be yours." He says it like he'd be better off that way, detached from it all like he was when he served Heaven. And it makes him mad, that Dean would even think he'd choose that over him, after _everything_.

"Yeah. Yeah, it does." _Because you_ \- you're _my weakness._

"Cas -"

"No, _no_ , Dean. You don't want to be a monster. And I don't want to be what I will be if I do what you're asking me to do. I don't want to go down that road again either. We'll - we'll find another way. We always do."

Dean gives him the slightest nod, but doesn't catch his eye again.

Cas didn't believe him when Dean had said that to him and he lost so much because of it. He can only hope that Dean has the same faith in _him_ that Cas does in Dean now.


End file.
